Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
