You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
