The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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