I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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