It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize