Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
