you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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