You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
