belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
