I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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