and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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