i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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