Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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