its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
