Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
