So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She even gives head with a lisp.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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