so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
