I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
