Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
