I want to have your abortion
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
