I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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