i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
