Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
