ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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