the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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