Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
is wine microwaveable?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
