I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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