i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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