so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
