I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
