The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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