My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
