she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
