Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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