If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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