I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
