plz talk dirty to me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
