Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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