he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
