toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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