Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
