Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
