My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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