i would punch a child for taco bell
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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