my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
try to milk me bitch
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