Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
