so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
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You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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