What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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