if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
