I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The uberlube is also flammable
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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