I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize