Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
