How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
