those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
