so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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