My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
