let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
