Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
