I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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