Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
