oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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