i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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