I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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