This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
