I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
